Perfectionists Beware

"Who is wise? He that learns from everyone. Who is powerful? He that governs his passions.

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody." - Benjamin Franklin

Hahaha! This quote made me laugh. It sounds so noble, so desirable, doesn't it? Yet, although we all aspire to this, the truth is that we're not perfect and so we cannot be all of that all the time. But we can keep aspiring.

The majority of the athletes that I speak to are perfectionists.  In fact, truth be told, the most successful people and athletes I know are perfectionists.  I know I am. It was this perfectionist tendency drove me to great heights in my sport and in my life.  It also caused me the most pain and suffering and most got in my way when I didn't achieve something I was aiming for.

Does this sound familiar? If so, keep reading . . .

The perfectionist lives the life of the double-edged sword.  On one end, your drive to excel pushes you further than what might at times seem possible.  The perfectionist gets good grades in school, excels in the work-force and is on the leader board of most sport teams and competitions.

On the other end, your need to be perfect without fail sets you up for some major disappointments if you cannot recognize that although the drive for perfection is nobel, it’s attainment all the time, or even the majority of the time, or sometimes ever, is not possible. In this case, the perfectionist gets down on himself easily, can say terrible things to herself, can threaten quitting after a poor performance vs. dealing with the failure, can sometimes intentionally sabotage a performance by ‘getting sick or injured’ or by not trying instead of giving their all and losing.

I often ask my athletes, of which I would say 98% are perfectionists, if there’s something their not telling me about them that would make it possible for them to be perfect when this isn’t possible for any other human being.  I ask them ‘Are you really a robot, and you didn’t tell me?’.  This often gets a chuckle, and brings down the perfectionist walls.

We all know deep inside that it’s not possible to be perfect.  However, we tend to see the greatness in others, especially the most successful, and see only the faults and failures in ourself.  The reality is this, and it might be shocking so please sit down:

HUMANS ARE NOT AND NEVER WILL BE PERFECT!

And even more shocking still:

YOU ARE NOT AND NEVER WILL BE PERFECT!

In all seriousness, take a moment and let this sink in: You are not and never will be perfect.  That’s a fact, and there’s no arguing with a fact.  Remove all emotions and just look at the fact that it’s impossible to be perfect.  You might have perfect performances - and the more you train the more likely and more often this will occur - but it will not and cannot be perfect all the time. 

And this is a good thing!  It serves you well that you’re not perfect.  Why? Because you learn from your imperfections, and actually become more perfect in the process.

So here’s what I challenge you to do today:  aim for perfection, set your bar high, and push yourself hard.  But, forgive and be kind to yourself too.  Instead of just beating yourself up when things aren’t perfect, take out the emotion and look at the facts.  Ask yourself:

• What happened?
• What did you want to happen?
• Were you taking care of your responsibility (and only your responsibility)?
• How were your emotions?
• Were you distracted by anything?
• Was there anything you could have done to prevent what happened?
• Is there a strategy you could put in place next time?

Thomas Edison had it right. It took him 10,000 attempts to invent the lightbulb. When asked how he keeps going when he failed so much, he answered that he hadn’t failed, he just found 9,999 ways the lightbulb didn’t work.  He was pushing for perfection (a lightbulb only works when it’s perfect - try shaking one up and see how it works), but he looked at every ‘failure’ as a lesson, as an opportunity to learn, and as a chance to get closer to the perfection of his invention.

So use the power of your perfectionism wisely, and you will see the results and enjoy the process.

Kara
www.performancetolife.com